On the Weigh Down & The Weight of it All

On the Weigh Down & The Weight of it All

Dec. 2012 I was at my best weight ever, 167. I didn’t know it then but I would take 35 steps backward in the wrong direction. OH, I wish I could back the time I spent trying to get off the last 7 lbs to get to my goal of 160. OH, I wish I could have just been happy with my progress and kept on to my next goal in life. What I didn’t know then is that after my week in Mexico showing off my new two-piece Body. I would come home to the news that my Auntie, my friend, my motivator, was losing her battle with breast cancer. If I remember correctly, Dec. 28th she died and her memorial Jan 5th would change the course of my life. Death takes a toll on your family that I can’t describe. People who use to talk don’t talk anymore. Things that were once habit become a memory. My aunt was 1 of 9 sisters and my mother and Aunt were very close #7 & #8, so when I talked to her I made very effort to sound up beat and strong. To console her. As 2013 pushed on I slowly put the weight back on. I decided I would do a mission trip to Africa. My aunt always wanted us to travel abroad and be cultured. I felt as if it was my way to capture her spirit and make her proud, by then I was 183 lbs.

August to October is kind of a blur. All I know was that I was working like crazy, my job role was constantly changing and I felt I wasn’t keeping up. I was up by 5am logged on and working on meeting project deadlines. By 7am cst the East coast clients were already up and sending emails. The email pace stayed steady until about 7pm when the West Coast called it quits for the work day.

By now I was 196 lbs. November came and I was feeling lost, overwhelmed, & extremely tired. I had a pursued a gut feeling to find out I was pregnant. After two years of trying, we were elated. I was either tired, nauseas, or hungry for the next 2 weeks. At 7 weeks we found out the pregnancy wasn’t viable and was terminating. Needless to say I ate all off my feelings day & night. I only took 3 days off work, including the day I was in hospital.

So now I’m here 202 lbs. I promised I would Never be here again. That I would NEVER put the weight back on. But the weight of life caught up with me and this is my reflection of the year I climbed the scale. Here’s to examining life on the weigh back down.

…. and This Christmas

This Christmas was the first time I spent Christmas in my own home. I pulled out my “Good China” (which was a gift) and set the table. I was sure to make more veggies than starches (an attempt to stay true to my Weight watchers goal).   I talk to my God-Daughter, Parents, Sister, Aunts, Uncles, Godparents, Cousins, and Friends. All and all it was a good day. I took the time to reflect on my life and how grateful I am to have a phone that rings on such an important day.

But my heart was heavy, the one woman who taught me how to set the table and make the perfect plate of Healthy Soul Fusion was unable to talk and is fighting the cancer at war with her body. I miss her and I just want to talk to her about the great book I read on vacation or how horrible Liz ad Dick was on Lifetime. We didn’t have time to talk about it after it aired Thanksgiving weekend. I can’t help but think that I was so busy with work I should have called right then to laugh at how desperately Hollywood wants to make Lindsey Lohan a real actress. I saw a great independent film I wanted to share with her. After all Auntie Marsha introduced me to the world of the arts.
I have a wonderful and kind Mother and when she wasn’t around any of my Aunts gladly stepped in and treated me like a their own child while my mother worked. This Christmas I missed my Auntie with heavy heart I know one must feel when they miss there own Mother…
So in the spirit of gratefulness and reflection I want to thank Auntie Marsha for being such a positive force in my life …and this Christmas will be the last time I take my life for granted.