Tag: life

Every woman needs a shrink!

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When your somebody’s wife & a little person’s mama there’s a filter that is necessary to navigate through life.

In fact, this filter extends to every woman who is just trying to make through her day and navigate a web of responsibilities.

I’m not a perfect person so I watch my swear words in front of the kids of course….But that’s not the filter I’m talking about.

This about saying what you want to say in the most out loud #nofilter way. Journaling, is the certainly a thing but it’s a one way conversation. Having a shrink, is such an empowering experience. For 50 minuets, it’s all about how to make you better. How to get out your own way.

Photo credit: She’s Gotta Have It -Netflix

There are so many people who don’t want to talk about mental health. But it’s not, optional. There a saying, that you can’t pour from an empty cup. So whether or not your nurturing your career, a relationship, friendships, or children, you DESERVE to have unbiased insight to help you thrive.

My first experience with a counseling was in college. Physiology 101, you got extra credit for every session you attended at the counseling center. This way Ph.D students could practice on you. Ok cool! Well after my about 10 minutes in the first session, The student said “ummm wait right here.” An older woman walked in and said “I’m going to be taking over from here.”

After about 5 sessions and 25 bonus points later, I had talked through my issues with father and I had never felt better. Of course, I needed more sessions but the semester was over.

I would tap into counseling services a couple more times while in college. When adulting kicked in, I quickly figured out how to use my mental health benefits at work.

Photo credit: Insecure - HBO

Here’s the thing, we all have our own brand of cray cray. Why exhaust the people you love with your rants. It’s cool for a while, but it gets old. Save yourself and the people you love and find someone to talk to.

Love,

SFCG

Love. Laugh. Eat. Repeat. 

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Everyone who knows me best, knows I have flare for the dramatic! So at end of the year, I can hear the cast from RENT singing those legendary words “how do you measure a year?” Undeniably this has been a tough year in a LOT of ways. Equally, in an attempt to offset some hard ships it has been a year of incredible experiences. Funny how life works that way …

All over facebook, Instagram, or your social media preference of choice people try to sum up the year in only 9 pictures. Think about it… how many pictures are currently in your camera roll? Mine has 723 pictures from this year alone (ok I’ll subtract out a few random selfies). The thought of my year summarized in ONLY 9 pictures was giving me anxiety and for good reason.

When I looked back on 2017, there were a few common threads that have over shadowed the weight of the world around me. Love, Laughter, & Food. I think you would have to agree, that the best times in your life this year revolved around these 3 things. So to close the door on 2017 and only carry the things that have brought me joy into 2018 … Ladies & Gentleman my top 9 -ish.

LOVE…

  • My grandmother is 96 and still wears red lipstick
  • My hubby is the strongest most sincere man I know
  • My mom is my rock! I’m talking Gibraltar
  • My Sisi is ride or die — She’s basically my Solange

LAUGH…

As my Grandma Cox would say “my God we we’ve had some good times.”

2017 ran the spectrum from D.C. to Thailand, Janet Jackson to Bruno Mars, Ghost Tours to Arcades. I can honestly say I have shared some incredible laughs this year.

We were laughing so hysterically at the Brazilian steak house the table next to us gave the waiter $$ to but towards our meal because “we just looked like we were having a great time.”

Bar crawls to the blues, 2017 has taught me that a flexibility will always guarantee a great time.

“I’m here for a good time, not long time” – DRAKE

EAT…

This will come as no surprise that the most interesting food I’ve eaten this year was in Thailand. I no longer feel like a complete alien in my local Asian market. Who know that you were suppose to leave the roots on the cilantro to use in your soup stock. While I’m at it, how come no one told me cilantro & coriander were the SAME THING!

And just as I expected Sushi is so must more amazing in SE Asia (duh) and Thai hot and regular hot are not the same thing!

So thank you Thailand you take the top 9 most delicious things I’ve eaten this year.

REPEAT ….

SEASONS OF LOVE

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets

In midnights, in cups of coffee

In inches, in miles

In laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure a year in the life

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love

Seasons of love

Seasons of love

Cheers,

Southern Fried City Girl

Hog + Hominy

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Back in June I treated one of my very best friends to brunch at Hog and Hominy. My pooh bear joined us because who wants to bother with a babysitter at 10am.
The food really was fantastic. The shrimp and grits were amazing, perfect flavor and richness. The biscuits were also delicious. You could absolutely taste that they were made from scratch. Next time, I will get the gravy on the side and maybe Pooh will at least try it.
While I enjoyed catching up with old friends & great food. I just knew my little pooh bear would love something familiar, like pizza. I had never been so wrong. I ordered a cheese pizza. That’s it just cheese. How did I fail so miserably, you ask?
I somehow assumed Pooh Bear could appreciate fresh mozzarella and tomato sauce cooked a brick oven.

He did not appreciate it at all! In fact his only words were ” No, MOMMY” and ” More CHEESE”. Then this happened …. he smiled & said “CHEESE”.

Words to live by ….

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Words to live by ....

In life you will certainly meet people from all walks of life, possibly from ever corner of the earth. My grandmother would say “it takes all kinds.” As we move through life some of these people will remain with us as we grow. Others will become memories, stories we will tell of times past. The difficult part is when someone has genuinely exposed themselves as unreliable, selfish, and manipulative but you want to believe them to different. You have hope for them, hope that they will understand how their actions impact others. The truth is Maya Angelou understood this best “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

I believe, but it hurts no less. I hope, but I can’t change. I will listen, but I no longer hear the excuses.

I should be a TV chick

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I have to admit, I love TV. I can really enjoy a good scripted comedy. I am not ashamed to say I’ve seen every episode of Sex and City and Girlfriends, I Watched Girls briefly (but I’m too old for that phase), BBC had an awesome show called Mistresses, and this list can go on and on.  While it makes for a good hour of meaningless, mind numbing escapism.  After several years of this indulgence, you start to believe that life should really imitate art. 

I should be able to walk around all day in 6 inch heals or meet my friends in the middle of the day for coffee or lunch.  I should be to work  9 hour day with no lunch breaks and still maintain a spotless home cook dinner for my husband in the same heels that I wore all day. 

These TV Chick’s never have to balance everything at the same time. Project deadlines, sorting the stack of bills of the table ( paying them is another post) , family drama, getting dinner on the table, buying groceries for the week, and the list can go one and one. I wish we could live our live in short segments and then just pause everything for a commercial break. When were ready life would just pick-up right where it left off. in 30 minutes everything has been resolved and anything left undressed can simply wait until next week. 

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Needless to say that version of the city girl I think I should be has never shown herself. I guess she’s in there somewhere buried under yoga pants or the dirty dishes in the sink. There’s a person in there than juggle life, look fabulous, and make it all look easy. This version of me would never appear on a sitcom. Maybe a drama and these days unfortunately a reality show. All things considered, this girl is pretty comfortable in her skin, certain of her likes and dislikes, young enough to enjoy good like but old enough to understand the consequences. 

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I’m an artist, I have to tell the truth – Pearl Cleage

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I love news magazine programs. 20/20, Dateline, Anderson 36o, and most of all Melissa Harris- Perry, Jeff Johnson, Don Lemon, and Soledad O’Brien.  On saturday mornings, I make a cup of coffee and settle in for a heated debate about society today. The issues plaguing the urban citizen or the lack of access for rural communities. But what I love most it the diversity of people sitting around the table. I picture myself begin some type of special guest discussing how this heated topics affects peoples lives on a daily basis.

In my own way, this my news desk. Accept there is no news just one long editorial segment.

I look at writing as a my way telling the truth. I try to see how our life experiences have have shaped the people we are, the person I am. I spend days in suits and around tables debating issues that may or may not matter after 5pm. When the computer comes on the screen stares back at me. I’m an artist, and I have to tell my truth.  The truth is, I want to debate all the ails of the world, but sometimes the work is just hilarious to me.   My family is enormous and ridiculously complicated. My job is madness and littered with political correctness, which basically still paints you in a conservative corner. My neighborhood is interesting to say the least. An interesting blend of the United Nations meets the South.

My truth tonight is to be true to myself, heart, and my needs. Who are you? What’s your truth?

 

 

Goin up Yonder

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Nothing brings back to your center like a funeral. No matter how far you wonder from home a funeral is the final stamp in your passport here on earth. I attended a funeral this weekend of a very dear family friend. He was the type guy that always had kind words to say. If you needed him he was there no questions asked. He enjoyed a simple life and you knew he valued God, family, and work… in that order. This year he would have been 40 and passed after 3 days in a coma after a stroke. I don’t have many other details and didn’t really ask. Not because I wasn’t concerned but because I knew in that moment I wanted to celebrate his life. So the details of his death escaped me.

Traveling to his home town to attend the funeral was somber but peaceful. In the way that any one would feel when you travel somewhere that is similar to the way you grew up. One thing is certain, the Southern Funeral, is alive and well. As it should be.

Travel opens your eyes and heart to customs and traditions of the world. But as we grow and the world becomes smaller, so many things about our southern roots have to change. But our funerals should  not be altered. When this life is done and your chapter has been written will the pews fill with people who loved you, knew you, and will truly miss you. Will there be standing room only? Will the final thoughts of your life be filled with laughter and heartfelt tears. or will there be an empty spot in the program for anyone with a few words to stand? will anyone stand?  will people struggle to find something about that can be shared in a place of worship.

On this warm, April day the body of a God fearing man was laid to rest. A life to short but filled with the things that bought him joy.

I have tasked myself to focus in on what brings me joy, to reconnect to my center, embrace my roots, and appreciate each glorious day. One day the hollow tomb will close around each of us, no matter our differences or likenesses. I find comfort in knowing, if I wake up in the morning, I will branch out and take on new experiences with an open mind. But, When I lay my head down I will be thankful for the roots that bear southern fruit. So if anybody ask you, where I’m going… you can tell them I’m going up yonder to be with my Lord. Sacred

On the Weigh Down & The Weight of it All

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On the Weigh Down & The Weight of it All

Dec. 2012 I was at my best weight ever, 167. I didn’t know it then but I would take 35 steps backward in the wrong direction. OH, I wish I could back the time I spent trying to get off the last 7 lbs to get to my goal of 160. OH, I wish I could have just been happy with my progress and kept on to my next goal in life. What I didn’t know then is that after my week in Mexico showing off my new two-piece Body. I would come home to the news that my Auntie, my friend, my motivator, was losing her battle with breast cancer. If I remember correctly, Dec. 28th she died and her memorial Jan 5th would change the course of my life. Death takes a toll on your family that I can’t describe. People who use to talk don’t talk anymore. Things that were once habit become a memory. My aunt was 1 of 9 sisters and my mother and Aunt were very close #7 & #8, so when I talked to her I made very effort to sound up beat and strong. To console her. As 2013 pushed on I slowly put the weight back on. I decided I would do a mission trip to Africa. My aunt always wanted us to travel abroad and be cultured. I felt as if it was my way to capture her spirit and make her proud, by then I was 183 lbs.

August to October is kind of a blur. All I know was that I was working like crazy, my job role was constantly changing and I felt I wasn’t keeping up. I was up by 5am logged on and working on meeting project deadlines. By 7am cst the East coast clients were already up and sending emails. The email pace stayed steady until about 7pm when the West Coast called it quits for the work day.

By now I was 196 lbs. November came and I was feeling lost, overwhelmed, & extremely tired. I had a pursued a gut feeling to find out I was pregnant. After two years of trying, we were elated. I was either tired, nauseas, or hungry for the next 2 weeks. At 7 weeks we found out the pregnancy wasn’t viable and was terminating. Needless to say I ate all off my feelings day & night. I only took 3 days off work, including the day I was in hospital.

So now I’m here 202 lbs. I promised I would Never be here again. That I would NEVER put the weight back on. But the weight of life caught up with me and this is my reflection of the year I climbed the scale. Here’s to examining life on the weigh back down.

When my clothes don’t fit …. I buy shoes!!

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Everyone I know is pretty comfortable telling me that I’ve gained some weight back. Well its been a rough season… I have no excuses . Well that not true I’m full of excuses these days, but I’ll save that for another post on another day. 

The city girl in me wants to put on my best stilettos and go out for a night on the town with my guy. But then i Realize every outfit I own that would really set that dress up for the next level off oohs and ahhh; No Longer fits.

So the country girl on me wins again with another pair of jeans and an oversized cardigan to cover the caboose leaving the station. 

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FAILURE of EPIC proportion … part 2

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So I had to detail the backstory so that everything I would say moving forward would make sense.

My heart was breaking and my mind turns with the thought of “if we can’t raise a dog how can we raise a child.”  I hate the judgmental eye people give you when they say “you don’t have nay kids? What are you waiting on?” I would say crate training but then someone would certainly report me Child Protective Services.  Even worse are the comments about “You two can have date night b/c you don’t have any kids, Just wait kids will change everything.”    If that is an attempt to sell this baby thing then that is an Epic Fail my friend.

After working a 12 hour day and taking complaints from clients and internal matrix partners. How on earth could we raise a child. Just last week my hubby worked a 90 hour work week. If we are exhausted by rubbing the dogs belly as he falls in front of your feet just to get your attention, how on earth are we going to get to a day care by 5pm or do homework after a long day.

I know you are judging me and these thoughts are brutally honest. Your saying “you have plenty of time”. The truth is I don’t. This year I will be 30 and besides I just got this BODY!  I have no conclusion to this rant. No profound closing statement. Its just that I pray this failure at rearing a dog is not a sad glimpse into my future.