Tag: family

Every woman needs a shrink!

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When your somebody’s wife & a little person’s mama there’s a filter that is necessary to navigate through life.

In fact, this filter extends to every woman who is just trying to make through her day and navigate a web of responsibilities.

I’m not a perfect person so I watch my swear words in front of the kids of course….But that’s not the filter I’m talking about.

This about saying what you want to say in the most out loud #nofilter way. Journaling, is the certainly a thing but it’s a one way conversation. Having a shrink, is such an empowering experience. For 50 minuets, it’s all about how to make you better. How to get out your own way.

Photo credit: She’s Gotta Have It -Netflix

There are so many people who don’t want to talk about mental health. But it’s not, optional. There a saying, that you can’t pour from an empty cup. So whether or not your nurturing your career, a relationship, friendships, or children, you DESERVE to have unbiased insight to help you thrive.

My first experience with a counseling was in college. Physiology 101, you got extra credit for every session you attended at the counseling center. This way Ph.D students could practice on you. Ok cool! Well after my about 10 minutes in the first session, The student said “ummm wait right here.” An older woman walked in and said “I’m going to be taking over from here.”

After about 5 sessions and 25 bonus points later, I had talked through my issues with father and I had never felt better. Of course, I needed more sessions but the semester was over.

I would tap into counseling services a couple more times while in college. When adulting kicked in, I quickly figured out how to use my mental health benefits at work.

Photo credit: Insecure - HBO

Here’s the thing, we all have our own brand of cray cray. Why exhaust the people you love with your rants. It’s cool for a while, but it gets old. Save yourself and the people you love and find someone to talk to.

Love,

SFCG

Love. Laugh. Eat. Repeat. 

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Everyone who knows me best, knows I have flare for the dramatic! So at end of the year, I can hear the cast from RENT singing those legendary words “how do you measure a year?” Undeniably this has been a tough year in a LOT of ways. Equally, in an attempt to offset some hard ships it has been a year of incredible experiences. Funny how life works that way …

All over facebook, Instagram, or your social media preference of choice people try to sum up the year in only 9 pictures. Think about it… how many pictures are currently in your camera roll? Mine has 723 pictures from this year alone (ok I’ll subtract out a few random selfies). The thought of my year summarized in ONLY 9 pictures was giving me anxiety and for good reason.

When I looked back on 2017, there were a few common threads that have over shadowed the weight of the world around me. Love, Laughter, & Food. I think you would have to agree, that the best times in your life this year revolved around these 3 things. So to close the door on 2017 and only carry the things that have brought me joy into 2018 … Ladies & Gentleman my top 9 -ish.

LOVE…

  • My grandmother is 96 and still wears red lipstick
  • My hubby is the strongest most sincere man I know
  • My mom is my rock! I’m talking Gibraltar
  • My Sisi is ride or die — She’s basically my Solange

LAUGH…

As my Grandma Cox would say “my God we we’ve had some good times.”

2017 ran the spectrum from D.C. to Thailand, Janet Jackson to Bruno Mars, Ghost Tours to Arcades. I can honestly say I have shared some incredible laughs this year.

We were laughing so hysterically at the Brazilian steak house the table next to us gave the waiter $$ to but towards our meal because “we just looked like we were having a great time.”

Bar crawls to the blues, 2017 has taught me that a flexibility will always guarantee a great time.

“I’m here for a good time, not long time” – DRAKE

EAT…

This will come as no surprise that the most interesting food I’ve eaten this year was in Thailand. I no longer feel like a complete alien in my local Asian market. Who know that you were suppose to leave the roots on the cilantro to use in your soup stock. While I’m at it, how come no one told me cilantro & coriander were the SAME THING!

And just as I expected Sushi is so must more amazing in SE Asia (duh) and Thai hot and regular hot are not the same thing!

So thank you Thailand you take the top 9 most delicious things I’ve eaten this year.

REPEAT ….

SEASONS OF LOVE

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets

In midnights, in cups of coffee

In inches, in miles

In laughter, in strife

In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes

How do you measure a year in the life

How about love?

How about love?

How about love?

Measure in love

Seasons of love

Seasons of love

Cheers,

Southern Fried City Girl

8 years and counting

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This past March my husband & I celebrated 8 years of marriage. I’m blessed to know many people who have hit 8 years of marriage 8 years ago. Along the way we have had no shortage of highs and lows and time will tell us which one we’re in today. He finally cut the grass, so this week is definitely a high point!

My brother once told me “you guys are the couple no one wants to be around.”  At a barbecue a few years back a little girl asked me “do ya’ll ever fight? Do he ever get on your nerves? You always like him?” Although she was 8 or 9 years old at the time apparently we put of a different vibe.

There is no secret formula to a joyful marriage ( Note: NOT PERFECT marriage). We have no time to be two different people in public than we are in private.

Over the weekend, we attended a marriage small group and during that time we talked about how to fight fair. I was reminded not to let small things build up and create a foothold in your marriage. Mario & I are very blessed that in the beginning of our marriage we attended a church that focused on young couples and helped us to have an open line of communication. We learned very early in our relationship to separate the “business” of running a home from the love that it takes to build it. Something that has stayed with us and taken us this far is to “try to out love your spouse.”  Ask yourself, “what have I done to  bless my spouse today?”

I believe that when you make your marriage your ministry, your spouse is a reflection of your best self.

 

 

 

 

I can’t stop crying !!

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I thought I was handling pregnancy pretty well so far. A couple of minor issues but nothing medically wrong. But now on the cusp of 30 weeks I am so very easily annoyed which moves immediately to unwarranted fits of tears. Sometimes its just the heat of the moment an accidental overdraft at the bank cue the tears. Cookies and no milk in the fridge equals instant slippery slope to we’ll never have enough money to make ends meet, how will ever feed the baby, and then you guessed it -cue the tears.

I pray this phase will pass and soon. I’ve never felt less like more self than I do right now.

Goin up Yonder

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Nothing brings back to your center like a funeral. No matter how far you wonder from home a funeral is the final stamp in your passport here on earth. I attended a funeral this weekend of a very dear family friend. He was the type guy that always had kind words to say. If you needed him he was there no questions asked. He enjoyed a simple life and you knew he valued God, family, and work… in that order. This year he would have been 40 and passed after 3 days in a coma after a stroke. I don’t have many other details and didn’t really ask. Not because I wasn’t concerned but because I knew in that moment I wanted to celebrate his life. So the details of his death escaped me.

Traveling to his home town to attend the funeral was somber but peaceful. In the way that any one would feel when you travel somewhere that is similar to the way you grew up. One thing is certain, the Southern Funeral, is alive and well. As it should be.

Travel opens your eyes and heart to customs and traditions of the world. But as we grow and the world becomes smaller, so many things about our southern roots have to change. But our funerals should  not be altered. When this life is done and your chapter has been written will the pews fill with people who loved you, knew you, and will truly miss you. Will there be standing room only? Will the final thoughts of your life be filled with laughter and heartfelt tears. or will there be an empty spot in the program for anyone with a few words to stand? will anyone stand?  will people struggle to find something about that can be shared in a place of worship.

On this warm, April day the body of a God fearing man was laid to rest. A life to short but filled with the things that bought him joy.

I have tasked myself to focus in on what brings me joy, to reconnect to my center, embrace my roots, and appreciate each glorious day. One day the hollow tomb will close around each of us, no matter our differences or likenesses. I find comfort in knowing, if I wake up in the morning, I will branch out and take on new experiences with an open mind. But, When I lay my head down I will be thankful for the roots that bear southern fruit. So if anybody ask you, where I’m going… you can tell them I’m going up yonder to be with my Lord. Sacred

… and then the phone rang.

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… and then the phone rang.

My Auntie called me today. We spoke briefly about her birthday and plans for the rest of the day and then she shared her blog with me. Heart felt sentiments rooted in scripture but written so clearly from a place of truth.

The timing of this conversation was so striking because over this week I constantly struggled with sadness, hopelessness, fear, and disappointment.  So much so, my husband circled around me constantly asking if I would be ok. My mouth said I would be but I couldn’t shake the pain in my mind.

Responsibility & Grief don’t mix well together. Unfortunately, they complement each other. Life’s responsibilities force you not to succumb to the grief in a way that makes you unable to make ends meet, cook dinner, pay the bills. The opposite side of that picture of strength is when emails stop and its finally 5pm on every coast. Its then only God’s love can hold you near and provide comfort for your tears. 

This afternoon my Auntie, just calling to say hello, spoke hope into my life. I was struggling to pull myself together and then the phone rang.

 

A Place for Rest 

I need you to protect me for a while.  I need enough time to rest and regroup. The world is cold, cruel and unbending, let me lie under your wings and feel the warmth of real love that will make me stronger.  I trust that when I am strong enough to go back out into the world, you will let me know.  Your strength will be my strength. 

-Ingrad Smith 

Murphy’s LAW: When everything goes wrong

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Being everything to everybody makes you re-examine how tired you can really be on a 5 day work week. When the car breaks down, your expected to be down town everyday this week for several “very important” client meetings, your nephew needs to get to school on time, and nothing in your closet fits. At 2pm the exhustion finally catches up to you and your in desperate need for a $4 coffee you can’t afford but refuse to live without.

By 4pm the cycle repeats, but now its counter clock wise. Pick up your nephew, then you dear husband, stop by the repair shop, take 3 conference calls on the way because just because its 5pm in your timezone the skinny ppl on the west coast don’t care. By now its Friday night and your mind so tired of the rat race you honestly don’t know if your coming or going, Literally, after you ate dinner took your empty bowl into your bedroom put it on the dresser and moved on to folding a load of clothes it was an hour later before you realized that you completely got side tracked.

I continue to say you, in hopes that i am not the only person suffering from a week when everything goes wrong.