Tired parents, a baby, & Pandora

It’s about an 8 hour drive from Memphis to the beach on the Gulf Coast. For someone who grew up in Miami, I would consider this landlocked. I have no intentions of ever being being further away from a major body of water, but that’s another post.

On this trip we hooked up the Pandora and let randomness ensue. After listening to songs that ranged from early Ludacris, The Fugees, Jezzy, and Johnny Taylor we started talk about what music will our son listen to, how many songs today will really be iconic -score a memorable moment in your life.

By the time Maroon 5 and Alanis Morsette get into the mix- we can’t help but laugh about the fact when we really love good music regardless of genre it makes you sing out loud and completely rock out in your car – Shout out to Aerosmith that was all over the radio when I was in high school.

Anyway just a few random thoughts 2 hours from our destination.

Music

The “Newborn” Effect

In a way this is my attempt to capture a moment that to date is my greatest accomplishment, giving birth to a beautiful baby boy.

You find yourself staring at this child in awe of how perfect this little person is. You grow this person in your belly for 40 weeks (38 in this case) and then looking at you is a little mini person.

I’m still in awe at the miracle of childbirth, but the most amazing thing has been how my son has impacted my husband. I have to admit has always been kind and thoughtful, but that little guy has sprinkled a little something special over him.  To be clear its not just the way he holds and helps with the baby, I find he looks at me differently. There’s more light in his eyes a seduction in his smile. His hugs are more warm and touch lingers just a little while longer.

I never thought it was possible to love him anymore … to owe him more than I already do. I guess I can blame it on the newborn effect, wondering how long the haze will last.

I can’t stop crying !!

I thought I was handling pregnancy pretty well so far. A couple of minor issues but nothing medically wrong. But now on the cusp of 30 weeks I am so very easily annoyed which moves immediately to unwarranted fits of tears. Sometimes its just the heat of the moment an accidental overdraft at the bank cue the tears. Cookies and no milk in the fridge equals instant slippery slope to we’ll never have enough money to make ends meet, how will ever feed the baby, and then you guessed it -cue the tears.

I pray this phase will pass and soon. I’ve never felt less like more self than I do right now.

The background check …

After 4 months of working with the agency to become a certified foster home we finally received our certificate a week ago. The weeks of classes and endless paper work was not the part that disturbed me most. It was the background check. Not the standard run of the mill background check but “if its out there we will find it” type of check.

Its not like we have a secrete life or anything worth hiding but its the thought the every logistical detail of your life can be narrowed down to 2-3 pages of information. Think about it, your whole life in a small manilla folder. Our trainer could help but mention “Ms. Davis ya’ll have moved around a lot” ” and ya’ll do have a ton of tickets.”

Every place I’ve lived in my life I know it very well. I can tell you where I was in my life and what i enjoyed most about that place and time. Most importantly,I remember how the younger me was a complete mess.

The background check doesn’t have a section for character or a place to put the narrative of life. There’s no where to explain that all the tickets I received were on the way to work , which was 45min from where I lived in the next county over. I left my 1st job at 4pm to be at my next job by 5pm back in the town where I lived.

There’s no where to explain that after we were married my husband got a job out of town and every weekend we drove back & forth to see each other for the first 4mths of our marriage. So yeah, I got a few tickets in the process of trying to get from A to B.

But the great state of MS doesn’t have a commuter train.

…. and This Christmas

This Christmas was the first time I spent Christmas in my own home. I pulled out my “Good China” (which was a gift) and set the table. I was sure to make more veggies than starches (an attempt to stay true to my Weight watchers goal).   I talk to my God-Daughter, Parents, Sister, Aunts, Uncles, Godparents, Cousins, and Friends. All and all it was a good day. I took the time to reflect on my life and how grateful I am to have a phone that rings on such an important day.

But my heart was heavy, the one woman who taught me how to set the table and make the perfect plate of Healthy Soul Fusion was unable to talk and is fighting the cancer at war with her body. I miss her and I just want to talk to her about the great book I read on vacation or how horrible Liz ad Dick was on Lifetime. We didn’t have time to talk about it after it aired Thanksgiving weekend. I can’t help but think that I was so busy with work I should have called right then to laugh at how desperately Hollywood wants to make Lindsey Lohan a real actress. I saw a great independent film I wanted to share with her. After all Auntie Marsha introduced me to the world of the arts.
I have a wonderful and kind Mother and when she wasn’t around any of my Aunts gladly stepped in and treated me like a their own child while my mother worked. This Christmas I missed my Auntie with heavy heart I know one must feel when they miss there own Mother…
So in the spirit of gratefulness and reflection I want to thank Auntie Marsha for being such a positive force in my life …and this Christmas will be the last time I take my life for granted.