How to gauge a year…

Many people gauge their lives by how much they accomplish or what they own. But at the beginning of another year 30 days out from a resolution it makes me wonder how do you gauge a year.

For me its not the 365 from 1/1 to 12/31 but its the 365 between my birthdays. I have realized that i find my self saying thing like ” yea 21 was really good to me.” or ” I’m kinda over 27 what’s next.”   It took me 30 years to get to Africa and I wonder how I ever waited that long to go. So now at 31 I often wake up with Africa on my mind. Wondering how long it will be until I can go back.

The country girl in me says you know life is pretty great all things considered. I know people who have never left the neighborhood they grew up in. At least I own a passport.

But the city girl in me says what have I only left the country once. Why didn’t join the peace corp after high school or take  a gap year (like I really knew what a gap year was when I was 17). Flights would be so much cheaper if I lived in a larger city but no matter what a $2500 flight is still hard to come by.

Anyway for most people they have that great feeling about a new year a sense of renewal. I didn’t feel that way on January 1st 2014 but I’m hoping that 31 turns around for me soon because so far I have no idea how to gauge this year.


Murphy’s LAW: When everything goes wrong

Being everything to everybody makes you re-examine how tired you can really be on a 5 day work week. When the car breaks down, your expected to be down town everyday this week for several “very important” client meetings, your nephew needs to get to school on time, and nothing in your closet fits. At 2pm the exhustion finally catches up to you and your in desperate need for a $4 coffee you can’t afford but refuse to live without.

By 4pm the cycle repeats, but now its counter clock wise. Pick up your nephew, then you dear husband, stop by the repair shop, take 3 conference calls on the way because just because its 5pm in your timezone the skinny ppl on the west coast don’t care. By now its Friday night and your mind so tired of the rat race you honestly don’t know if your coming or going, Literally, after you ate dinner took your empty bowl into your bedroom put it on the dresser and moved on to folding a load of clothes it was an hour later before you realized that you completely got side tracked.

I continue to say you, in hopes that i am not the only person suffering from a week when everything goes wrong.

Preparation is not always enough

So I’ve been planing for July 1 2013 for 6 months. I truly thought I was ready the day after I turned in my application and now it’s time to move. Call to action, my hubby told me this morning how proud of me he was, but next mission trip “we have to go together.” Of you know my husband you would know that he is pretty calm, but there was a firmness in his voice that i usually only hear when I try a new recipe that didn’t turn out like the picture and he says ” you don’t have to make this again.”

My mother and sister cried. One on FaceTime and one over the phone. I know there proud and worried all at the same time.
My prayer is that God will allow me to remain calm and hear his voice and control my anxiety to follow God’s plan for our journey.

Black Friday

I am so amazed at now much there is to say when I’m on vacation. I never put so many entries in FB, twitter, and any other social network when I’m working. So in the mist of all the visiting I can’t keep help but mention the Black Friday madness. I by no means throwing stones b/c I have gone out myself to hunt down a great deal but here’s the thing … Y take home the 70’in tv stand in line and fight the traffic to come home to turmoil arguing a unhappy home and mental -social unrest. I’m great that’s not an issue and things are peaceful as I look around the mall I have to wonder your kids, wife, or husband look so happy but how long will that last?

The difference encouragement makes

Just a random thought… It’s hard work to work hard and no matter the sacrifice it always seems that there is more to given.  When do you get to place that success no longer becomes your drive.  I understand the be happy with your self idea, and I completely feel that sentiment. But if you ever loose your drive…well what’s driving you??

FAILURE of EPIC proportion … part 2

So I had to detail the backstory so that everything I would say moving forward would make sense.

My heart was breaking and my mind turns with the thought of “if we can’t raise a dog how can we raise a child.”  I hate the judgmental eye people give you when they say “you don’t have nay kids? What are you waiting on?” I would say crate training but then someone would certainly report me Child Protective Services.  Even worse are the comments about “You two can have date night b/c you don’t have any kids, Just wait kids will change everything.”    If that is an attempt to sell this baby thing then that is an Epic Fail my friend.

After working a 12 hour day and taking complaints from clients and internal matrix partners. How on earth could we raise a child. Just last week my hubby worked a 90 hour work week. If we are exhausted by rubbing the dogs belly as he falls in front of your feet just to get your attention, how on earth are we going to get to a day care by 5pm or do homework after a long day.

I know you are judging me and these thoughts are brutally honest. Your saying “you have plenty of time”. The truth is I don’t. This year I will be 30 and besides I just got this BODY!  I have no conclusion to this rant. No profound closing statement. Its just that I pray this failure at rearing a dog is not a sad glimpse into my future.

FAILURE of EPIC Proportion part 1

As a wedding gift from a coworker 4 1/2 years ago we were given a puppy. Faybo, half Chihuahua half Dachshund, was at one point the light of our lives. Cute, energetic, full of fun and love-able. We had just married and took on the challenge with open arms. I had never house broken a dog before and my hubby had never had an inside dog, just large breed dogs like Pit Bulls.

This undertaking was an epic fail, Faybo could never quite stop peeing in the house and every time he got overly excited he would pee a little, like an old person with no diaper. As our life got more complicated, Faybo would stay with my mother while we lived in a small apartment.

I would like to add that at one point Faybo dug under the fence and ran out in the street and was hit by a car. Don’t worry he survived or this story would have been over in the first paragraph. However, he did suffer three broken ribs and he limps. This is when we discovered that there was a line of credit for Vet bills. Then we went out of town, Faybo stayed with family and once again he got out of the fence and disappeared for the weekend. To this day we have no idea where he went, but he came back blind in his left eye.

Fast forward to Faybo staying with my mother. After a storm he got out of the sun room and disappeared. My mother was frantic, she called the shelter and come Faybo had been picked up at the Sonic Drive-in down the street. All summer Faybo had been going to Sonic with 16 year-old sister and her friends. I guess he thought they were there.

When we moved in to our new house. Faybo gladly came home and although we had no fence tried our hand again at house breaking. Faybo soon took over our garage b/c he would whine when he stayed outside to long.

Our careers took of and we became to busy to play with him endlessly at the end of a busy day.
About two days ago after cleaning out the garage my husband announces that Faybo has to go. We have out grown him and we don’t have time to tend to a dog. My heart is breaking. He said I have two weeks to find him a home or he is taking him to the animal shelter.

So now I am tasked with finding a home for a one-eyed dog with three broken ribs, a limp, heart worms, and only eats name brand dog found b/c the store brands give him nausea. You can see how this is not an easy task.

This is getting long so stay tuned…………………………

Perfect Imperfection

So much time and effort is placed in relationships of all kinds: marriages, friendships, dating relationships, colleagues…whatever the case maybe. But no matter what we have, we constantly crave something that we don’t. Not that there’s anything wrong with the healthy relationships we nurture. In fact, we need relationships, “trusted advisors”. Proverbs 27:17 is very clear that “Iron sharpens iron”.  The best parts of someone can enrich your life in ways you have not predicted or even known possible.

As my Grandmother would say “tell the truth & shame the devil”. We, people of earth, for some reason seem to want what we can’t have, what we don’t need, what’s not good for us. People who aren’t married, want to be married. Unfortunately, some couples who are married, don’t want to be. People who know a lot of random people but can’t say they have any tried and true friends want that small intimate group to bond with. Likewise, people with close meaningful circles sometimes need a break. Responsibility laden folks long for days when there was no one to worry about but themselves. The footloose and fancy-free want somebody, ANYBODY, to need them. 

 Now, of course, some will say that they are the exception to the rule. Some in denial will say they are the exception to the rule. However, the cause of this dreadful illness is searching for the “Perfection” or the “Perfect Person.” The endless quest for perfection impedes our ability to experience happiness. True joy and contentment with the life we have and blessings we have been given.  

 Today a friend asked me about happiness. Her questions were straight forward and simple. 1)Has your definition of Happiness changed over time?  … 2) Do you think your definition of Happiness will change in the future? 

I encourage you to examine how you define your happiness. Accepting you are not a perfect person allows you to love the imperfections in others.  



*** Reviewed & Revised 8.2017 as a personal  Homage to my younger self.

Laundry Day

Coming off the Christmas Holiday, I really enjoyed all the time we spent with family and friends. We got back home and waiting for me was mountain of clothes waiting to be manipulated somehow. Washed, Dried, Folded, or put away. One of the four or all of the above. I often feel intimated and overwhelmed by sheer quantity of clothes I have to wash. The kicker is, I only have to wash for two people. I feel like this daunting task is laughing and poking fun at me as a wife, clearly mocking my failed attempts at climbing the cotton-multi colored mountain.

So during our Christmas visit several people inquired about when my husband and I would have children. Then they will pose their question to the both of us, while smugly looking in my direction as if babies come from a magic slot machine, like he has put in quarter and the world is waiting on me to pull the lever…yes we want to have children one day, but in the back of mind I can’t help but think about the mountain of daily chores I neglect during the week because I can. How I have no one to answer to but myself. If  I can barely keep up for the two of us, how in the world can we raise a family? Its terrifying and stifling, so the thought that laundry only takes a day is a joke to me. Its never ending battle, a war with no end in sight.  A task that will only get bigger with time.